Deviation Actions
Literature Text
“Why do you need fame? Is it the money or is it the power you want?”
“ Love is the only thing I desire. I want to be near her”.
“Love? Ha-ha-ha! You are a fool to think that love can take you to the top”.
“I believe that one day we will meet each other, the only thing I need is recognition”.
“Look, your time is running out, you have not achieved anything significant and there are a lot of people that have better chances than you do. Give up on the idea and live your miserable life”.
“My writings will save me. I believe I will achieve my goals”.
“If you think your worthless pieces will get you somewhere and will change your life, then you are out of your mind. Look at your writings! Just look at them! No one will read them, no one I tell you. Have you forgotten the time when they were denied by literary magazines? Aren’t you tired of seeing “We regretfully inform you…” and so on in your mail?”
“I will write letters to her! She will understand how I feel! You can never be sure what is written in your destiny!”
“The only thing written in your destiny is sorrow, loneliness and obscurity. No one agrees with your views, everyone hates you! Should I remind you of the time when everyone shunned you? You were an outcast. Why can’t you understand that?”
“She is the only thing that keeps me going in this dark world. Nothing can stand on the way of love”.
“You lost your sanity. Face reality! Nothing you do can change the situation you are in. She won’t even look at you. Forget her and move on!”
“Never!”
“You are stubborn... Haven’t you had enough lessons from your life? You’ve seen things not many have seen. You were once a reasonable person! We would agree on many questions. Why in the name of all that is dear to you!”
“She is the one who is dear to me than my own life!”
“Pathetic! You have no future; you decided to abandon everything for a girl that does not even know you exist? I do not care about your well-being anymore. You foolish poet! You will be a beggar on the streets”.
“I rather die than beg! I rather die without love! I rather die without dreams!”
“If you die, you won’t be remembered. Your dreams are unachievable. Goodbye".
THE END
Prettyflour here on behalf of
with the critique you requested.I’ll start with your first sentence- for me, the wording is a little off. I would have used, Why do you want fame? or What do you want fame for?
I noticed a few grammatical issues - Make sure that your punctuation goes before your end quotation mark. It should be:
“I want to be near her.”
In regards to this: “Look, you’re time is running out, you have not achieved anything significant and there are a lot of people that have better chances that you do. Give up on the idea and live your miserable life”.
You’re should be your. That should be than.
In regards to these lines: Look at your writings? Just look at them? Because these are not questions, I would have used an exclamation point instead of question marks.
Now, as far as the content, I really like the message. One thing I think could take all of this dialogue up a notch would be adding descriptions of your characters or adding physical reactions to allow the readers to know your characters better.
I hope this is helpful and if you’d like to discuss please feel free to respond.